“I’m trying to help my daughter find friends. She is so very unhappy. All she does is go to work, come home and watch TV. She has no life at all. It is her 38th birthday today and even family haven’t bothered.
We all live together as we put a deposit on a property and she pays the mortgage. It leaves very little money for extras.
I feel so badly for her and don’t know how to help. Do you have any suggestions.”

–Elizabeth Smith

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Elizabeth,

First of all, I want to let you know that this is primarily a social skills blog. Although your daughter’s issue may be a lack of social skills, it is possible that her situation could be attributed to other things, such as her personality, mental health, or financial situation.

It’s great you want to help your daughter, but let’s look at the facts:

– she’s a full grown adult at 38 years old
– she’s unhappy
– she has no social life

The last two are probably related. You have to ask why a woman her age would not have girlfriends to hang out with and grab mimosas on her birthday. Could it be her personality? Is she a miserable person? Does she have a personality disorder? In general, women are much more sociable and better and making long-term relationships than men. So, if a grown woman has no long-term friends, that is a bad sign and you need to look deeper — there probably has been an issue since she was younger. Also, bear in mind this change needs to come from her. If she really does want a social life, she’ll make the effort to do so, like I did in this article. If she thinks people are stupid and would rather stay at home, then you have to start understanding how her mentality developed.

So, here are some questions to ask yourself about your daughter to help understand her lack of friends:

  1. If your daughter did not spend all her money on the mortgage payments, would she be able to be more social?
  2. Have you observed your daughter in social situations? How does she fare?
  3. How was your daughter in making friends as a young girl?
  4. How do you know that she is unhappy?
  5. Does your daughter have any odd behaviors or eccentricities that would make socializing difficult?