Eyes are the window to the soul, they say. That makes sense, because when you lock eyes with someone, it can be an emotionally powerful moment. When a newborn makes eye contact with its mother, it’s looking for love and care. When an ultimate fighter makes eye contact with his opponent inside the cage, he is looking to intimidate and scare. Eye contact is an important…

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Understanding Rapport

Posted by January 30, 2016

Rapport is one of the most important concepts you will learn in understanding social relationships. It is creating liking that will help you in many ways with people, anywhere from getting better service from your waiter to solidifying a relationship with a romantic partner. Definition of Rapport Rapport is defined as “close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s…

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You’ve read the Social Shiners articles. You’ve practiced at work, school, with strangers at the supermarket, and maybe even with people you already know. You’re getting better and better and conversation and meeting people. The next step is to create an opportunity to see them again. What does “hang out” mean? If you are not familiar with the term “hang out,” it is an informal term (verb)…

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Don’t Skip Small Talk

Posted by January 27, 2016

Let’s talk about “Small Talk.” Small Talk is defined by wikipedia as “an informal type of discourse that does not cover any functional topics of conversation or any transactions that need to be addressed” (source). In other words, Small Talk is talk about nothing. Small Talk has several nicknames: shooting the breeze chitchat exchanging pleasantries idle chatter Let’s talk about why you need to use Small…

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At the age of 18, I decided to change my life. I had no friends, no close relationships, and life was unfulfilling. I went to the library in the self-help section and read as much as I could about social skills. One of the topics that showed up across many books was open-ended questions. Conversation, to those who are socially inept like I was at…

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How to Give a Compliment

Posted by January 26, 2016

People love themselves. For this reason, one of the most important tools you can learn and can help you gain favor with people is knowing how to give a compliment. Compliments, like many of the other tools you’ll read about in this site, are essentials parts of having social success. They make other people feel good about themselves and in turn, make them think better…

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“Are you angry?” I use to be asked this all the time as a kid. I’ve never been an angry person, so I thought it was strange. As I grew older however, I realized why: it’s because I never learned to smile in conversations with other kids. I was a socially inept kid, so I never talked to anyone. Sometimes when other kids would talk to…

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You’ve heard this “fact”: 93% of all communication is nonverbal. Is it true or not? The Study by Professor Albert Mehrabian studied the importance of three aspects of communication: words themselves, tone of voice, and body language. He conducted the research by studying how likable a person was. What Mehrabian concluded was that 7% of our liking was attributable to words themselves, 38% was attributable tone…

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  So you’re socially inept. You have a hard time making friends. Your conversations are often awkward and forced. When you do have a conversation with someone you like, you find there to be a lot of pauses. Entering a conversation is a daunting task to you and exiting a conversation is something you have no idea how to even do. You can only dream of…

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